If you heard of someone who ran away in the morning, got two tattoos by noon, bragged about her underwear-less status shortly thereafter, and finished by taking notice of a scantily clad man in the store... would you feel exhausted? If so, welcome to my Monday. While Margo didn't actually attempt to run away, she did let herself out of the house without permission, in hopes of "peeing in the yard." While her tattoos were of butterflies, and I did help apply them, they are still proudly displayed on her biceps. While she has been going commando ever since the warm weather hit, she decided to announce it to the cashier this afternoon as we checked out at Home Depot. And while the man shopping in the aisle nearby wasn't truly "nakey" (he was wearing cutoff jeans and a white tank top), she did remark about his exposed skin so loudly that he turned around to grin and laugh. Whew. That girl does keep me on my toes.
My big girl, on the other hand, has re-entered a testing phase. She's been trying out words that she knows aren't permitted (fortunately for the time being, her choice words are "stupid" and "Jesus Christ," so I know it could be worse) and suggesting we "die," before taking it back and apologizing. I'm not sure where this phase came from, but I'm hoping it doesn't stick around long. She's just about done with kindergarten, and I can't believe how far she has come- as I watch her write stories, draw complex pictures, and read books, I'm in awe of how many skills she has furthered in such a short period of time. I do cringe at the time when her homework will be beyond my own knowledge, but for now I'll pretend that those days are far away. She changes so fast that I often don't recognize her, but quality time with her (we recently had our first mother-daughter mani-pedi, as well as a trip to see a Broadway play on tour) recharges our bond.
Summer is approaching, and I couldn't be more excited. One of the main perks of having a husband who puts in long hours teaching all year is the summers off. Woo hoo!! For the time being we're planning a number of day trips (stay-vacations, if you will) as well as a trip westward to PA to score some time with some furry creatures (aka Elmo and crew) and to see a land of wonder (aka Dutch Wonderland). The "honey-do" list has grown a lot lately, as we tackle one room at a time. Silly as it may be, my goal is for each room in the house to look as well put-together as a Pottery Barn catalog. This weekend we tackled the playroom-- sorting, purging, organizing, and making it a more pleasant place to be. I've been on an organization kick ever since Spring, and hope this summer will bring even cleaner closets and neater drawers. Oh, such exciting dreams.
More to the point, I'm hoping this summer brings some sweet memories... the kind that you don't know you're making until after they're done. Our annual evening at the drive-in movie is a must, as well as some lazy afternoons sitting alongside the beach, looking out at the sky. The girls love to swim and I'm sure we'll be in the pool plenty, but I'm also hoping for quiet moments cuddling on blankets under a shady tree, hiking through the cool woods, picnicking around town, and hopefully even a family bike ride. Throw in some BBQ gatherings with friends and family, and I'm even more excited for the months ahead. Long, warm days with blue skies are always my favorite kinds of days, and thoughts of such days got me through the dreary months of winter. Ah, summer. I hope to see you there!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Please don't put lipgloss on the cat
Dear Margo,
For your second birthday... you ate cereal for breakfast, then played with your sister. I snuck in some pictures before either of you could protest (how could I resist the matching dresses you had on??) You had playtime with mommy while Madeline was in school. You emptied an entire barrel of cat kibble on the floor, and delighted in fitting as much of it as possible into your mouth before I could stop you. A little while later, I caught you applying lipgloss to our cat, Samantha. You took a nap after we picked your sister up from school (who was so excited, she told her teachers and all of her friends about your special day). Spent the afternoon playing while Madeline and I decorated your Elmo cake. You graciously chatted on the phone with each person who called to wish you a happy birthday, saying "Have a good day. Here's mommy!" about 20 times to each person. We had breakfast for dinner, then birthday cake. Your eyes lit up when you saw your cake with glowing candles coming your way. After we let you "cut" your cake (hacking at Elmo's nose and eyes with a butter knife, if truth be told) you ate a few bites before tiring of the sugar. Madeline graciously shared the spotlight with you, showering you with kisses and wishing you happy birthday all afternoon. We went to Daddy's work to watch a theatre performance, and you "stole" (crashed?) the show by wandering onstage during one of the numbers. You danced to the music, and carried props you found in a box (stuffed animals and a baby) around the theatre, laying them down on chairs for "sleepy" after you nursed them. You snuck in the bathroom and put a cabbage patch doll on the potty to "go poopy." You hugged Daddy's colleague and his students, telling everyone, "I'm two" and holding up your two fingers. You sang and chatted all the way home, where you snuggled in your pajamas and went to sleep.
I love you, my little noodle.
For your second birthday... you ate cereal for breakfast, then played with your sister. I snuck in some pictures before either of you could protest (how could I resist the matching dresses you had on??) You had playtime with mommy while Madeline was in school. You emptied an entire barrel of cat kibble on the floor, and delighted in fitting as much of it as possible into your mouth before I could stop you. A little while later, I caught you applying lipgloss to our cat, Samantha. You took a nap after we picked your sister up from school (who was so excited, she told her teachers and all of her friends about your special day). Spent the afternoon playing while Madeline and I decorated your Elmo cake. You graciously chatted on the phone with each person who called to wish you a happy birthday, saying "Have a good day. Here's mommy!" about 20 times to each person. We had breakfast for dinner, then birthday cake. Your eyes lit up when you saw your cake with glowing candles coming your way. After we let you "cut" your cake (hacking at Elmo's nose and eyes with a butter knife, if truth be told) you ate a few bites before tiring of the sugar. Madeline graciously shared the spotlight with you, showering you with kisses and wishing you happy birthday all afternoon. We went to Daddy's work to watch a theatre performance, and you "stole" (crashed?) the show by wandering onstage during one of the numbers. You danced to the music, and carried props you found in a box (stuffed animals and a baby) around the theatre, laying them down on chairs for "sleepy" after you nursed them. You snuck in the bathroom and put a cabbage patch doll on the potty to "go poopy." You hugged Daddy's colleague and his students, telling everyone, "I'm two" and holding up your two fingers. You sang and chatted all the way home, where you snuggled in your pajamas and went to sleep.
I love you, my little noodle.
Five and Two... Eyes of Blue
Yes, I know that's not exactly how the song goes... but it does describe our situation here. Unbelievably, I'm about to be the mother of a five year old and a two year old. It hit me today that in just a week, Margo will be two. Still, as I look at her wild, crazy curls and her crinkly blue eyes, she looks like a stranger to me. She has changed so much in these two years that every time I get used to who she is, she's someone else again. There are times of the day when I spend every second with the girls, and after hours of books, projects, and playing, we're united not just by glue and sparkles, or the fort of dolls around us, but by the most awesome bond I could ever imagine. Strangely, though, I slip away to empty the dishwasher or put in a load of laundry, and return to find two different children. Many times a day I stare at Madeline's shiny hair, her great big smile, and can't believe she's mine, and that she's the same child I once cradled in just one arm. She's a mix of humor and furor, laughing and crying, dependent on the moment. For the most part, she and her sister are the best of friends, and she loves to tell Margo, "You're my best friend, little girlie!" Madeline will build the tallest block tower, only to yell out, "Come knock it over, Marg!!!" Yet seconds later, will again build the tallest block tower, only to yell, "Why did you knock that over?!?" Ah, sisters. Quite similarly, one moment Margo is sharing every doll with her sister, and a moment later, crying, "Mine!" and grabbing things for dear life.
In other words, the normal progression of sisterhood. I love to watch it, in fact I get giddy when I see them playing school; Madeline dressing Margo in ridiculous get-ups and tucking a backpack onto her shoulders; Margo slipping into fancy shoes just to be like her sister. Those stolen moments, when I am watching with no one knowing, are the best. It's rare to get a photo of this; Madeline's beacon ears recognize the sound of the camera turning on, and she can disappear faster than you can say, "Snuffaluffagus;" so I've learned to just savor it, take a mental picture, and be sure to share it with my husband later.
Now that Margo is getting older, we're really starting to do "family" things more than ever. Which is, of course, the moment I've been waiting for. Playing with a toddler while an infant snoozed was no fun, but playing with both girls together is delightful. Both love to help me cook, which is great fun (and a messy disaster, but so worth it). Family movies on the couch (in the bed) are even better, because we can finally start sharing with them all the things we enjoyed growing up. We're starting to play games together, although Margo still prefers to collect the game pieces rather than put them in their rightful places on the board. Such is life. I really look forward to outdoor activities with them. We brought them both biking with us this summer, which was the most fun I've had, not counting the fact that Margo despised the pull-along seat and sobbed uncontrollably for just shy of two hours. But Madeline loved riding tandem with Terry, and since biking was our activity pre-kids, we hope to resume that again. Hiking has gone well, and soon Margo will be old enough to trot along rather than ride piggyback; and of course, beach combing was to-die-for. I'd move us to the beach in less than a heartbeat if I could... but that's another story for another day.
All fun aside, having a two-year-old is a dangerous endeavor. For me, another six months past Madeline's second birthday, the sleepy-I-can't-believe-we-did-this fog lifted, and I started to dream of something... someone... little. Up until Madeline was two, I was deadset against having a second. It was hard enough with one, I maintained, why push it. But as the months past, we moved her to own bed, and she became a little more independent. We started to discuss the benefits of her having a sibling, and whether or not we could endure "the beginning" again. Survey said yes, survey said no, and finally, we said, "What the heck," and took the plunge. Nine months later, as my ears closed in on me three nights after Margo's birth, I vowed not to do it again. Dividing myself in two is hard enough, and I'm wise enough to know I won't be able to divide into thirds. I haven't changed my mind, and I don't plan on changing it, but I do recognize the dangers of the present. With a school-aged child and a toddler running around, there's no one left who fits between my shoulder and my elbow. No teeny-tiny body in my arms, no one who fits (well, no one under 22 pounds) in a front carrier, and no one to rock through the dark hours of the night. And I'm good with that (after all, I don't think blogger.com would let me change the title of this blog to "And then there were five") but that doesn't mean I don't still wonder just who else would be out there. Would it be a boy this time? Or another little girl? I'll never know, and although I'd rather not, it still doesn't mean I don't miss those early days of holding the tiniest person on my shoulder and breathing in that sweet smell.
Fortunately, I have two cuddlers on my hands. And they still smell pretty darned good. :)
In other words, the normal progression of sisterhood. I love to watch it, in fact I get giddy when I see them playing school; Madeline dressing Margo in ridiculous get-ups and tucking a backpack onto her shoulders; Margo slipping into fancy shoes just to be like her sister. Those stolen moments, when I am watching with no one knowing, are the best. It's rare to get a photo of this; Madeline's beacon ears recognize the sound of the camera turning on, and she can disappear faster than you can say, "Snuffaluffagus;" so I've learned to just savor it, take a mental picture, and be sure to share it with my husband later.
Now that Margo is getting older, we're really starting to do "family" things more than ever. Which is, of course, the moment I've been waiting for. Playing with a toddler while an infant snoozed was no fun, but playing with both girls together is delightful. Both love to help me cook, which is great fun (and a messy disaster, but so worth it). Family movies on the couch (in the bed) are even better, because we can finally start sharing with them all the things we enjoyed growing up. We're starting to play games together, although Margo still prefers to collect the game pieces rather than put them in their rightful places on the board. Such is life. I really look forward to outdoor activities with them. We brought them both biking with us this summer, which was the most fun I've had, not counting the fact that Margo despised the pull-along seat and sobbed uncontrollably for just shy of two hours. But Madeline loved riding tandem with Terry, and since biking was our activity pre-kids, we hope to resume that again. Hiking has gone well, and soon Margo will be old enough to trot along rather than ride piggyback; and of course, beach combing was to-die-for. I'd move us to the beach in less than a heartbeat if I could... but that's another story for another day.
All fun aside, having a two-year-old is a dangerous endeavor. For me, another six months past Madeline's second birthday, the sleepy-I-can't-believe-we-did-this fog lifted, and I started to dream of something... someone... little. Up until Madeline was two, I was deadset against having a second. It was hard enough with one, I maintained, why push it. But as the months past, we moved her to own bed, and she became a little more independent. We started to discuss the benefits of her having a sibling, and whether or not we could endure "the beginning" again. Survey said yes, survey said no, and finally, we said, "What the heck," and took the plunge. Nine months later, as my ears closed in on me three nights after Margo's birth, I vowed not to do it again. Dividing myself in two is hard enough, and I'm wise enough to know I won't be able to divide into thirds. I haven't changed my mind, and I don't plan on changing it, but I do recognize the dangers of the present. With a school-aged child and a toddler running around, there's no one left who fits between my shoulder and my elbow. No teeny-tiny body in my arms, no one who fits (well, no one under 22 pounds) in a front carrier, and no one to rock through the dark hours of the night. And I'm good with that (after all, I don't think blogger.com would let me change the title of this blog to "And then there were five") but that doesn't mean I don't still wonder just who else would be out there. Would it be a boy this time? Or another little girl? I'll never know, and although I'd rather not, it still doesn't mean I don't miss those early days of holding the tiniest person on my shoulder and breathing in that sweet smell.
Fortunately, I have two cuddlers on my hands. And they still smell pretty darned good. :)
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The more things change...
Another whirlwind of time passing by... birthdays, holidays, school, day to day responsibilities, and all the ups and downs that are par for the course of life. I'd love to say we've fallen into a routine, but it forever feels like every day brings new challenges and surprises that make the routine feel both monotonous and non-existent at the same time. Talk about a paradox. On one hand, there is the never-ending repetition. Wake up, get everyone ready for the day, get Madeline on the bus, play with Margo, get Madeline off the bus, make lunch, do schoolwork, neaten, make dinner, get the girls to bed, neaten, go to sleep. Wake up, do it again. Groundhog Day has never felt so real.
On the other hand... there are always unexpected glitches, both good and bad, that make life feel so unpredictable and hard to keep up with. All it takes is one or two extra errands or obligations and suddenly we are off schedule, falling behind in whatever needed to be done, and forever playing a game of catch up. Five minutes after the laundry is done, the house is spotless, meals are prepared, and life is in perfect order, a tornado comes through and we're back to square one.
And such is life. I hardly doubt this to be unusual or unique in any way. Through comparing notes with others, it's clear that many a mother finds herself in a never-ending cycle of twists and turns otherwise known as daily life. The only ironic thing, truly, is how this differs from what I expected. Three years ago I was working full-time. I had just graduated with my doctorate in psychology, and was staring my upcoming career in the face. At the very same moment, I was staring my energetic 22 month old in the face. Since the first moment I held her in my arms, it was clear that motherhood and career were going to fight for which came first; which was more important. I wanted to believe I could conquer them both, but in my heart of hearts, I knew I didn't want to. My career, which challenged and intrigued me only moments prior, immediately fell by the wayside once motherhood came onto the scene. Two years later, with my degree in my back pocket and some courage in my heart, I made the decision to take a sabbatical from work and raise my family. Oh, what romanticized visions of sugarplums did I have dancing in my head! I had it all figured out. With all of the time I'd have being an SAHM, I could do it all. Nutritious meals three times a day. A perfectly clean home, which I'd neaten every morning- of course, it would stay that way all day long- leaving me to spend the day playing educational, enjoyable games with my daughter until her father came home. And of course, I'd have my evenings free to spend time with said father of my child, and we'd sit on the couch, intimately chatting as we shared our productive days with one another. Who hasn't seen the Fisher Price commercials- the perfectly groomed mother, laughing and playing on the living room floor with her toddler- a bright, neatly decorated home in the background, a healthy snack waiting on the corner. Why, that would be me, of course! And why not?!? How much work could it be, really, to play with your child all day?
All I can say now is HA. Yes, I neaten every morning. Yes, I aim to play educational yet interesting games with my daughters throughout the day. Yes, I plan healthy meals and find the time to prepare them. But do my days have that bright, easy, relaxing flow I envisioned? Absolutely not. Time with my husband in the evenings? Sometimes laughable. Does my house stay clean and organized? Don't even go there.
In the end, I hope I have learned one lesson... and may that lesson be that it's impossible to truly plan for everything, or even envision what it will be like until I've gotten there. I truly want to believe that I can keep everything in control simply because I want to, but again and again, it is proven otherwise. Until I develop my bubble in which I will protect the universe, I am forced to accept that life is unpredictable and my best bet is to roll with it. Cliched, of course, but don't I always end in cliche? ;)
On the other hand... there are always unexpected glitches, both good and bad, that make life feel so unpredictable and hard to keep up with. All it takes is one or two extra errands or obligations and suddenly we are off schedule, falling behind in whatever needed to be done, and forever playing a game of catch up. Five minutes after the laundry is done, the house is spotless, meals are prepared, and life is in perfect order, a tornado comes through and we're back to square one.
And such is life. I hardly doubt this to be unusual or unique in any way. Through comparing notes with others, it's clear that many a mother finds herself in a never-ending cycle of twists and turns otherwise known as daily life. The only ironic thing, truly, is how this differs from what I expected. Three years ago I was working full-time. I had just graduated with my doctorate in psychology, and was staring my upcoming career in the face. At the very same moment, I was staring my energetic 22 month old in the face. Since the first moment I held her in my arms, it was clear that motherhood and career were going to fight for which came first; which was more important. I wanted to believe I could conquer them both, but in my heart of hearts, I knew I didn't want to. My career, which challenged and intrigued me only moments prior, immediately fell by the wayside once motherhood came onto the scene. Two years later, with my degree in my back pocket and some courage in my heart, I made the decision to take a sabbatical from work and raise my family. Oh, what romanticized visions of sugarplums did I have dancing in my head! I had it all figured out. With all of the time I'd have being an SAHM, I could do it all. Nutritious meals three times a day. A perfectly clean home, which I'd neaten every morning- of course, it would stay that way all day long- leaving me to spend the day playing educational, enjoyable games with my daughter until her father came home. And of course, I'd have my evenings free to spend time with said father of my child, and we'd sit on the couch, intimately chatting as we shared our productive days with one another. Who hasn't seen the Fisher Price commercials- the perfectly groomed mother, laughing and playing on the living room floor with her toddler- a bright, neatly decorated home in the background, a healthy snack waiting on the corner. Why, that would be me, of course! And why not?!? How much work could it be, really, to play with your child all day?
All I can say now is HA. Yes, I neaten every morning. Yes, I aim to play educational yet interesting games with my daughters throughout the day. Yes, I plan healthy meals and find the time to prepare them. But do my days have that bright, easy, relaxing flow I envisioned? Absolutely not. Time with my husband in the evenings? Sometimes laughable. Does my house stay clean and organized? Don't even go there.
In the end, I hope I have learned one lesson... and may that lesson be that it's impossible to truly plan for everything, or even envision what it will be like until I've gotten there. I truly want to believe that I can keep everything in control simply because I want to, but again and again, it is proven otherwise. Until I develop my bubble in which I will protect the universe, I am forced to accept that life is unpredictable and my best bet is to roll with it. Cliched, of course, but don't I always end in cliche? ;)
Friday, November 13, 2009
Bedtime musings
As I sat with my girls, watching them fall asleep tonight, I once again found myself in awe of children, and a parent's love for them. I'm sure many parents feel this way, but I keep thinking about how incredibly fortunate I am to have such amazing beings in my life. Something about their damp hair across their sleeping cheeks makes me want to watch them breathe, hold them tight, and savor every slumbering moment.
Daytime flights by in a blur. There are overwhelming moments during which I don't know which way to look first. Wanting a clean, organized, peaceful environment pulls me into one direction, while wanting quality time with the girls above all pulls me in another direction. Ironically, when I made the decision to put my career on hold and become a SAHM, I had very romanticized June Cleaver-esque notions. The house would be perfect; I'd make quick, nutritious meals throughout the day; the girls and I would hover over educational activities, learning and playing as picturesquely as a trio from a Fischer-Price commercial; Terry and I would have plenty of time to relax in the evenings, since I had gotten it all done during the day; and at the end of the night I'd fall asleep, refreshed and with a smile on my face. Fast forward to three years later (has it really been that long?). I'm the queen of multitasking, but have learned you can't multitask being in the moment. I'm known for spending lunchtime sitting at the table, doing schoolwork with Madeline while I prep dinner; folding laundry while we play blocks; pureeing veggies and breading chicken for a future meal while making a meal for the current day; and strategizing my errands so I can go out as infrequently as possible, getting it all done in one trip by hitting each stop along the way so that I make only right turns. Sound like supermom? I doubt it... I'm sure there are plenty of other moms doing the same. At the same time, I'm sure we do things a little differently here.
I chuckled recently when my husband told me that his colleagues and students sometimes peer into his lunch, and ask "Who packed you THAT???" All-natural PB and homemade jam on homemade whole wheat bread, next to a side of baby spinach leaves with homemade hummus, next to a trail-mix that looks like it's from outer space... sitting next a giant stainless steel bottle of water... while others are eating McDs and tossing out their Styrofoam cups. I don't really care how we compare to others, only that each thing we do feels right for us.
Madeline turns five this week, which I cannot believe. We talked recently about how her birth made me a mother, and before that I was "a wife," as she put it. Becoming "a wife" felt significant, but becoming a mother was all-encompassing and life-changing in so many more ways that I ever could have envisioned. For a while after she was born, I wondered when I would feel "my old self," again. Eventually it dawned on me that adjusting to parenthood isn't about incorporating your child into an "old self," but rather discovering a new self. Perhaps this isn't the case for others, but I found that whoever I was before was gone faster than I could blink. I can't put my finger on the exact changes, but I suspect is has something to do with a loss of ever being truly carefree again. Once that new person is born and you are forever concerned with her safety, well-being, and happiness, it's safe to say that one's own goals become incredibly secondary. At times I find that frustrating, especially when I see women who don't seem to be affected in that way. It's not judgment I feel for them, but just a wondering at how it is that they seemed to have taken their child into stride and not become altered in the way that others are.
For now, as I watch my older daughter's eyes gleam as she learns to tally numbers, sound out words, and draw pictures better than ever before; and I watch my younger daughter master a new skill day by day, I really don't care that life was changed as drastically as it was. One day, sometime in the future, I'll begin to piece together who I am now as opposed to who I was before... but at this moment, I'm too busy picking up bits of playdoh, chickpeas, and markers.
Daytime flights by in a blur. There are overwhelming moments during which I don't know which way to look first. Wanting a clean, organized, peaceful environment pulls me into one direction, while wanting quality time with the girls above all pulls me in another direction. Ironically, when I made the decision to put my career on hold and become a SAHM, I had very romanticized June Cleaver-esque notions. The house would be perfect; I'd make quick, nutritious meals throughout the day; the girls and I would hover over educational activities, learning and playing as picturesquely as a trio from a Fischer-Price commercial; Terry and I would have plenty of time to relax in the evenings, since I had gotten it all done during the day; and at the end of the night I'd fall asleep, refreshed and with a smile on my face. Fast forward to three years later (has it really been that long?). I'm the queen of multitasking, but have learned you can't multitask being in the moment. I'm known for spending lunchtime sitting at the table, doing schoolwork with Madeline while I prep dinner; folding laundry while we play blocks; pureeing veggies and breading chicken for a future meal while making a meal for the current day; and strategizing my errands so I can go out as infrequently as possible, getting it all done in one trip by hitting each stop along the way so that I make only right turns. Sound like supermom? I doubt it... I'm sure there are plenty of other moms doing the same. At the same time, I'm sure we do things a little differently here.
I chuckled recently when my husband told me that his colleagues and students sometimes peer into his lunch, and ask "Who packed you THAT???" All-natural PB and homemade jam on homemade whole wheat bread, next to a side of baby spinach leaves with homemade hummus, next to a trail-mix that looks like it's from outer space... sitting next a giant stainless steel bottle of water... while others are eating McDs and tossing out their Styrofoam cups. I don't really care how we compare to others, only that each thing we do feels right for us.
Madeline turns five this week, which I cannot believe. We talked recently about how her birth made me a mother, and before that I was "a wife," as she put it. Becoming "a wife" felt significant, but becoming a mother was all-encompassing and life-changing in so many more ways that I ever could have envisioned. For a while after she was born, I wondered when I would feel "my old self," again. Eventually it dawned on me that adjusting to parenthood isn't about incorporating your child into an "old self," but rather discovering a new self. Perhaps this isn't the case for others, but I found that whoever I was before was gone faster than I could blink. I can't put my finger on the exact changes, but I suspect is has something to do with a loss of ever being truly carefree again. Once that new person is born and you are forever concerned with her safety, well-being, and happiness, it's safe to say that one's own goals become incredibly secondary. At times I find that frustrating, especially when I see women who don't seem to be affected in that way. It's not judgment I feel for them, but just a wondering at how it is that they seemed to have taken their child into stride and not become altered in the way that others are.
For now, as I watch my older daughter's eyes gleam as she learns to tally numbers, sound out words, and draw pictures better than ever before; and I watch my younger daughter master a new skill day by day, I really don't care that life was changed as drastically as it was. One day, sometime in the future, I'll begin to piece together who I am now as opposed to who I was before... but at this moment, I'm too busy picking up bits of playdoh, chickpeas, and markers.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Mindfulness, every curb is a balance beam, and other such ramblings
Looking back at my summer blog, I have to laugh... I had no idea how busy fall was going to be! Summer was great... busier than expected, but lots of fun, travel, and great memories with friends and family. As the fall flies by and the holiday season approaches, I've been working extra hard on living mindfully, and really absorbing each and every moment.
Margo and I arrived at Madeline's school today to pick Maddie up, and into my head popped blogging. Margo climbed onto each curb, balancing herself expertly, insisting on walking the entire length as a gymnast, stopping occasionally to reach down and grab, "A rock, a rock!" I reminded myself to let her experience the moment, and not rush her through it. Her job, right now, is to be an explorer. It was the type of experience during which my husband would comment on my plethora of patience... similar to yesterday, when Madeline and I were working on her schoolwork, and she was repeatedly writing a letter incorrectly, just to make me laugh. "I don't know how you do it..." my husband is always saying. "Do what?" I respond. I'm just raising my family!
On one hand, life often resembles GroundHog Day. Wake up, eat, get everyone ready for the day, bring Madeline the bus, spend the morning with Margo, get Madeline off the bus, put Margo down for her nap, feed Madeline lunch, do schoolwork, bring the girls outside to play/run errands, make dinner, get the girls ready for bed, clean up, go to bed. Whew. Is that the American dream?? But when I look closely, I see so many precious moments. The girls are growing so fast, and their sister bond is awesome. Frequently, I happen upon them playing together, with Madeline teaching Margo something, while Margo imitates. The other day, I found them sitting at the playroom table, "having a meeting." Each time I see them go down the slide holding hands, hugging before bed, and sharing a snack, I feel my heart warm inside. Which is not to say we don't have the moments during which one girl pulls a toy from the other one's hand, and I hear a shrieking, "Mommy!!!!!"
Lots of things make me wistful these days. I feel like although we rush through our weeks, there are many moments I'd like to slow down, or preserve. For one thing, I'm stunned at the rate at which Madeline has matured since beginning school. Already she seems more wise, more worldly, as she navigates kindergarten, riding the bus, homework, and being out in the world sans parents. Hearing about her day is comical. She shares her memories in bits and pieces, telling me stories that explain only half of what I want to know, and stating, "I forget" for everything else.
Margo, meanwhile, had adjusted to mornings with Mommy. Frequently, she'll ask, "Madeline?" I'll remind her that Madeline is at school. "Daddy?" she'll ask. He's at work, I respond. She looks at me, thinking. "Oh," she answers, nodding seriously. She's a full-on toddler by now... running through the house, her little hands clutching a doll, book, wooden spoon, or whatever random item of her sister's isn't being used presently. She definitely hit a language explosion at some point... she loves to tell me to "Lay down, Mommy," "Here, Mommmy," or that she wants to play with, "Madeline's toothbrush." This morning she handed me a pair of shoes, and I said, "Those are Daddy's, actually." She spent the next few minutes practicing, "Daddy's, actually. Mommy's, actually. Madeline's, actually." She repeats everything. She's also obsessed with turning things on and off... every light switch, doll that talks, and toy with batteries in our house is getting a run for its money right now.
I find myself loving so many aspects of toddlerhood... her wispy curls, the tiny tush running free through the house, the silly games she plays, and her love of "the milkies." She's out of diapers during the day, needing them only at night, and I know she'll soon look more like a little girl than anything else. It's all going so fast. She's my last, and while I definitely don't want another, there is so much that I will miss about young children. Madeline is changing so quickly that I sometimes find myself studying her, figuring out who she is in this moment. I constantly revel in my girls, and feel so fortunate for my family. I feel corny, but I'm always telling Terry how lucky we are. Every day presents challenges, for sure, but there's nowhere else I'd be.
Margo and I arrived at Madeline's school today to pick Maddie up, and into my head popped blogging. Margo climbed onto each curb, balancing herself expertly, insisting on walking the entire length as a gymnast, stopping occasionally to reach down and grab, "A rock, a rock!" I reminded myself to let her experience the moment, and not rush her through it. Her job, right now, is to be an explorer. It was the type of experience during which my husband would comment on my plethora of patience... similar to yesterday, when Madeline and I were working on her schoolwork, and she was repeatedly writing a letter incorrectly, just to make me laugh. "I don't know how you do it..." my husband is always saying. "Do what?" I respond. I'm just raising my family!
On one hand, life often resembles GroundHog Day. Wake up, eat, get everyone ready for the day, bring Madeline the bus, spend the morning with Margo, get Madeline off the bus, put Margo down for her nap, feed Madeline lunch, do schoolwork, bring the girls outside to play/run errands, make dinner, get the girls ready for bed, clean up, go to bed. Whew. Is that the American dream?? But when I look closely, I see so many precious moments. The girls are growing so fast, and their sister bond is awesome. Frequently, I happen upon them playing together, with Madeline teaching Margo something, while Margo imitates. The other day, I found them sitting at the playroom table, "having a meeting." Each time I see them go down the slide holding hands, hugging before bed, and sharing a snack, I feel my heart warm inside. Which is not to say we don't have the moments during which one girl pulls a toy from the other one's hand, and I hear a shrieking, "Mommy!!!!!"
Lots of things make me wistful these days. I feel like although we rush through our weeks, there are many moments I'd like to slow down, or preserve. For one thing, I'm stunned at the rate at which Madeline has matured since beginning school. Already she seems more wise, more worldly, as she navigates kindergarten, riding the bus, homework, and being out in the world sans parents. Hearing about her day is comical. She shares her memories in bits and pieces, telling me stories that explain only half of what I want to know, and stating, "I forget" for everything else.
Margo, meanwhile, had adjusted to mornings with Mommy. Frequently, she'll ask, "Madeline?" I'll remind her that Madeline is at school. "Daddy?" she'll ask. He's at work, I respond. She looks at me, thinking. "Oh," she answers, nodding seriously. She's a full-on toddler by now... running through the house, her little hands clutching a doll, book, wooden spoon, or whatever random item of her sister's isn't being used presently. She definitely hit a language explosion at some point... she loves to tell me to "Lay down, Mommy," "Here, Mommmy," or that she wants to play with, "Madeline's toothbrush." This morning she handed me a pair of shoes, and I said, "Those are Daddy's, actually." She spent the next few minutes practicing, "Daddy's, actually. Mommy's, actually. Madeline's, actually." She repeats everything. She's also obsessed with turning things on and off... every light switch, doll that talks, and toy with batteries in our house is getting a run for its money right now.
I find myself loving so many aspects of toddlerhood... her wispy curls, the tiny tush running free through the house, the silly games she plays, and her love of "the milkies." She's out of diapers during the day, needing them only at night, and I know she'll soon look more like a little girl than anything else. It's all going so fast. She's my last, and while I definitely don't want another, there is so much that I will miss about young children. Madeline is changing so quickly that I sometimes find myself studying her, figuring out who she is in this moment. I constantly revel in my girls, and feel so fortunate for my family. I feel corny, but I'm always telling Terry how lucky we are. Every day presents challenges, for sure, but there's nowhere else I'd be.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
And then there were four
I've intended to blog for a while now, but like so many other things, never had the time to initiate the process. Throughout the day I have so many random thoughts, experiences, and ideas, and thought it might be fun to try and chronicle them. It occurred to me tonight that a punching bag might be a good outlet for daily frustration. It also keeps replaying in my mind how last night my 4 1/2 yr old daughter accidentally ended up in the boys' locker room at the high school where my husband teaches. And the silly dance she did for me earlier. And how intoxicating my 15 mo old's cheeks are. Definitely random thoughts.
It's almost summer and I'm definitely looking forward to it. Being the wife of a teacher, the summer is our coveted "quality time." Not sure what this summer will bring. For one thing, my littlest one likes to wander, so I suspect I'll spend a lot of time following her around. My big girl is pretty content to adapt to the majority, so that makes it easier, at least. That's always been her nature, which is why we knew she'd be the "gateway baby" who fooled us into thinking all babies would be as easy as she was. In a sense, that makes her my marijuana, and my younger one... crack? Lol. No wonder her cheeks are so intoxicating...
In all seriousness, one goal for the summer is to continue schooling my older daughter, yet find a way to make it fresh, since it is, after all, summertime. Prepping her for kindergarten feels like a big job. I'd also like to make sure we tie up as many loose ends as possible... house projects, organization, etc., b/c I think the school yr will be even more chaotic once I have a child in the system. I know we'll take a few trips- hopefully we'll visit a friend in RI/MA, another friend on LI, and a trip down to SC to visit my husband's grandfather. I'm hoping we'll get a lot of relaxing time, too... some lazy afternoons down at the pool, and mornings at the playground.
Hopefully, my sanity will remain intact... or at least... not deteriorate any further. ;)
It's almost summer and I'm definitely looking forward to it. Being the wife of a teacher, the summer is our coveted "quality time." Not sure what this summer will bring. For one thing, my littlest one likes to wander, so I suspect I'll spend a lot of time following her around. My big girl is pretty content to adapt to the majority, so that makes it easier, at least. That's always been her nature, which is why we knew she'd be the "gateway baby" who fooled us into thinking all babies would be as easy as she was. In a sense, that makes her my marijuana, and my younger one... crack? Lol. No wonder her cheeks are so intoxicating...
In all seriousness, one goal for the summer is to continue schooling my older daughter, yet find a way to make it fresh, since it is, after all, summertime. Prepping her for kindergarten feels like a big job. I'd also like to make sure we tie up as many loose ends as possible... house projects, organization, etc., b/c I think the school yr will be even more chaotic once I have a child in the system. I know we'll take a few trips- hopefully we'll visit a friend in RI/MA, another friend on LI, and a trip down to SC to visit my husband's grandfather. I'm hoping we'll get a lot of relaxing time, too... some lazy afternoons down at the pool, and mornings at the playground.
Hopefully, my sanity will remain intact... or at least... not deteriorate any further. ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)