The more things change...

Another whirlwind of time passing by... birthdays, holidays, school, day to day responsibilities, and all the ups and downs that are par for the course of life. I'd love to say we've fallen into a routine, but it forever feels like every day brings new challenges and surprises that make the routine feel both monotonous and non-existent at the same time. Talk about a paradox. On one hand, there is the never-ending repetition. Wake up, get everyone ready for the day, get Madeline on the bus, play with Margo, get Madeline off the bus, make lunch, do schoolwork, neaten, make dinner, get the girls to bed, neaten, go to sleep. Wake up, do it again. Groundhog Day has never felt so real.

On the other hand... there are always unexpected glitches, both good and bad, that make life feel so unpredictable and hard to keep up with. All it takes is one or two extra errands or obligations and suddenly we are off schedule, falling behind in whatever needed to be done, and forever playing a game of catch up. Five minutes after the laundry is done, the house is spotless, meals are prepared, and life is in perfect order, a tornado comes through and we're back to square one.

And such is life. I hardly doubt this to be unusual or unique in any way. Through comparing notes with others, it's clear that many a mother finds herself in a never-ending cycle of twists and turns otherwise known as daily life. The only ironic thing, truly, is how this differs from what I expected. Three years ago I was working full-time. I had just graduated with my doctorate in psychology, and was staring my upcoming career in the face. At the very same moment, I was staring my energetic 22 month old in the face. Since the first moment I held her in my arms, it was clear that motherhood and career were going to fight for which came first; which was more important. I wanted to believe I could conquer them both, but in my heart of hearts, I knew I didn't want to. My career, which challenged and intrigued me only moments prior, immediately fell by the wayside once motherhood came onto the scene. Two years later, with my degree in my back pocket and some courage in my heart, I made the decision to take a sabbatical from work and raise my family. Oh, what romanticized visions of sugarplums did I have dancing in my head! I had it all figured out. With all of the time I'd have being an SAHM, I could do it all. Nutritious meals three times a day. A perfectly clean home, which I'd neaten every morning- of course, it would stay that way all day long- leaving me to spend the day playing educational, enjoyable games with my daughter until her father came home. And of course, I'd have my evenings free to spend time with said father of my child, and we'd sit on the couch, intimately chatting as we shared our productive days with one another. Who hasn't seen the Fisher Price commercials- the perfectly groomed mother, laughing and playing on the living room floor with her toddler- a bright, neatly decorated home in the background, a healthy snack waiting on the corner. Why, that would be me, of course! And why not?!? How much work could it be, really, to play with your child all day?

All I can say now is HA. Yes, I neaten every morning. Yes, I aim to play educational yet interesting games with my daughters throughout the day. Yes, I plan healthy meals and find the time to prepare them. But do my days have that bright, easy, relaxing flow I envisioned? Absolutely not. Time with my husband in the evenings? Sometimes laughable. Does my house stay clean and organized? Don't even go there.

In the end, I hope I have learned one lesson... and may that lesson be that it's impossible to truly plan for everything, or even envision what it will be like until I've gotten there. I truly want to believe that I can keep everything in control simply because I want to, but again and again, it is proven otherwise. Until I develop my bubble in which I will protect the universe, I am forced to accept that life is unpredictable and my best bet is to roll with it. Cliched, of course, but don't I always end in cliche? ;)